Sunday (which is today still right?!) I had Ken bring up Aaron's old high chair so I could wipe it down and start Sophia on the wonders of all that is oatmeal. That and she really likes to sit up now and watch everything so I figured it was the perfect place to put her while I'm cooking and while we are all eating dinner. I started to wipe down the chair cover when I noticed that there were white spots all over it. Upon closer discovery it turned out to be mold. Thank you Michigan basements. You think you know humidity, come to Michigan in the middle of July. It feels like your putting on a damn blanket in 95 degree heat every time you walk outside. Only the blanket doesn't protect you from our state bird, the mosquito. Nor does it protect your hair from going ape-shit crazy. There is a reason I keep my hair super short most of the time. Afros don't look good on me. (Question, why does my cat snort when she cleans herself?!)
Where was I?! Oh yeah, high chair. Obviously I couldn't let my daughter's precious ass sit on mold, so into the garbage it went and off to the baby box store we went. I had some gift cards saved up, hoping to buy cute clothes with them, but high chair it is. The shopping trip was uneventful and when we returned home I set Sophia-Bobia on her play mat and began the assembly. Unlike most males, I read directions.
Seems like a simple enough part list, but upon closer inspection revealed this part:
What the hell is a crotch retainer? And why would I want my precious daughter's crotch to be retained? She's only 4 months old. Dude, isn't that, like really fucking up close and personal on a baby? For that fact, I don't even want my own crotch retained. Am I missing out on something big by not retaining said crotch? And if you type crotch one too many times, you realize what a stupid word it is. Crotch, crotch, crotch, crotch, crotch.....crotch..squatch.....motch....watch! Finally, a word that rhymes!
Despite the kinky crotch retainer, it did turn out to be a pretty cute high chair.
(Dude, someone, please take the steroids away from my mommy. I don't care if her poison ivy is out of whack. She's really embarrassing me with all this (whispers) crotch talk.
This is what mommy looks like after she takes the steroids and her anti itch medicine:
I know, I KNOW! The embarrassment! See what I have to deal with everyday?!! You know after she gives me this "cereal" stuff, she's gonna take lots of those flashy blinding pictures and show them to you all, so just be prepared and humor her okay? She's had it rough lately and could use a break. Don't tell her we had this talk. It will be our secret.)