My husband calls me weird

Vacation

Since my major busy time for work is during the summer we are not allowed to take any vacation time. On the flip side, we are given, fully paid and doesn't count against our vacation time we already have, the first week of September off. I'm not doing anything special. In fact the highlight of my week will be Thrift Store Shopping Extravaganza 2007 with my stepsister and my mom. We go every year to stock up on kids clothes and to see what deals we can find. Last year's winner was my gray wool Brooks Brothers dress coat, almost brand new, for $8. It's easily a $500 coat. Other than that I am looking forward to tossing the kids off to school and Kevin off to work and enjoy ALONE time!!!! I can dance around in my underwear and sing at the top of my lungs with no one to complain. Kev doesn't complain about the underwear part, but the singing, I've often been told to "shut the hell up!"

Today? I've done two loads of laundry, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, scheduled the plumber for next Tuesday (Weeeeee! What fun!) and am impatiently waiting the arrival of my new couch. Oh the freaking excitement. I also have to create a butt load of glow in the dark beads for a children's activity for Kev's family reunion children's activity. Just call me a wild! I know, you are so not jealous. You will be even more impressed with my plumbing bill. Want to pay it for me? A toilet needs new innards and the upstairs sink and tub faucet need to be completely replaced. I wish I would have paid attention when my dad tried to teach me the basics of electrical and plumbing. The fucking money we would have saved.

As you can see I am the most damn boring person today and you have already fallen asleep. I understand. I bore myself to tears too. I will offer you this little treasure as an apology for making your eyes glaze over and the copious amounts of yawns you are likely experiencing now.

(How the hell do I place YouTube videos on here so you don't have to click on the link? It's pissing me off.) Look I did it!

Now I am really laughing my ass off!

May I just say all of your photo captions made me snort with glee all friggin' day long. I was like a pig in a candy store!

Some of my favorite quotes were:

"Holy crap mom, help!"
"Please don't flush."
"Couldn't we just use toilet paper like normal people???!!!"
"I told you I got smaller after a good crap!"
"I need WAY more toilet paper to dry this up".
"WHEN HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DROP SOME KIDS OFF AT THE POOL, I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS SERIOUS.."
"I told you something bad would happen if you kept acting like a little turd."

Aaron was so embarrassed after it happened that he wouldn't even let us put him into dry clothes. He hid in his closet butt ass naked for 20 minutes. Which was about as long as it took me to stop crying from giggling like a jackass.  Thank you all for leaving quotes. I was amused all day long and snorted copious amounts of Diet Coke from laughing.

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I have to say one of my favorite parts of Typepad is being able to track the Google searches that lead people to my door. My blog name brings in some really weird people.

"Where the hell is my husband?"- Oh, sorry. I didn't realize he was your husband. He has a really great tattoo on his ass.
"My husband won't go out with me."- Have you tried breath mints? Or a divorce?
"I need spy things for my husband."- Bow-chicka-bow-bow. Kinky.
"My husband, he is so sweet to me." - Why did you have to add "he"? Couldn't you just type "My husband is sweet to me?" He's probably so sweet to you because you're so dang wordy and he just wants you to shut the hell up.
"My husband wet my"- Dude, I totally hope your husband can wet your "__". If you can't, might I recommend that new heating KY? It's very lovely. And even if he does wet your "__", I recommend it anyways.
"My husband sucks as a new father."- Okay, this one's kind of sad. Do you nag him a little too much or perhaps not let him do anything because you're afraid  he will screw up? Maybe purchase a parenting book for him?
"My husband calls me fat."- Then kick him in the crotch. I bet he won't call you fat again.

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All righty folks. I'm on vacation starting tomorrow and though next week. I'll still be around, but not as much. No talking about me behind my back, unless it's about how much you adore me. M' Kay?

If you haven't signed up for the next Fun Monday challenge, go here and do it. ("Do it now" said in best Arnold Schwarzenegger speak.)

Later.

I can't stop laughing

Leave a caption in the comment section and I will post some of the best ones tomorrow!

(And yes, I already know he's facing years of therapy  because his mom waits until she can grab the camera and take a picture before he can be rescued. That and I was crying I was laughing so hard.) 

Your Next Fun Monday Challenge

'[Drum Roll Please]

We've seen your shelves, peeked inside your cabinets, looked at what your house looks like in both the summer and winter, viewed at some of our handmade pieces and even talked about our best friends. Now it's time we do something. Have you ever had someone out of the goodness of their heart do something for you without anything asked in return? Offered you money when you needed it the most? Helped you change a flat tire in the pouring rain or even just simply held the door open for you when you had your hands full?  For Monday, September 10th, we are challenged with doing a good deed. I am not looking for a story of when you have offered your help in the past, I actually want you in the next two weeks to go out and help someone. Go visit a nursing home, cook dinner for someone sick or with a new baby, donate to a charity or even send just a "thinking of you card" to someone who needs it. It doesn't matter what your good deed is, or how great it is. It just needs to help someone!  To sign up, simply leave a comment. I will add names to the list as it grows. Thank you in advance for signing up!

Sayre- Hosting September 17th
Swamp Queen
Robin
Blue Momma
Chrisb
Debbie
Hootin' Anni's
Lisa's Chaos
Kiraa
Amy W.
Sandy
Rachel
Kaytabug
Beth
Beckie
Susan
Karmyn
Arkansas Songbird
Fianna
Min
Bethany
Beccy
Robinella
Lisa
Misslionheart
Stephanie
Alison Wonderland
Joy T.
Jill
Pamela
Anglophile Football Fanatic
Purpleworms
Christine
Emma
Willowtree
Laura
Tiggerlane
Swamp Angel
Tiger Lamb Girl
Karina

You're Next!

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Psssssst! New work up at my jewelry blog!!!

And finally, look who wrote his name for the first time!!

The why we blog Fun Monday

This week is hosted by the lovely Lisa. For some reason I can't get her page to load up with actual words on it, so I am going to wing it from memory. We are challenged with explaining why we blog and how we got started to this little thang that we do.

Last night I went and saw the fantabulous Big & Rich concert with my next door neighbor. The concert was hands down one of the best I have ever seen. It is one giant party from beginning to end and they sound exactly the way they do on their cd. It was a little girls 9th birthday and Big & Rich brought her onto stage, had everyone sing her happy birthday and then gave her a signed guitar. Every chance he had Big Kenny was throwing out t-shirts to the crowd and even extra special Big & Rich "panties" (I still hate that word.) At the end of the show Big Kenny ripped his shirt off of his body and threw it into the crowd. Damn-it I was seated too far away, but oh did I start salivating at his half dressed body. Something about his scraggly, clown like appearance makes me wish I wasn't happily married to the love of my life, if you know what I mean. I wouldn't mind just a little lick!

What you say?!?!? What in the world does this have anything to do with the Fun Monday challenge and would I just shut up and get to the ever lovin' point?!?!! It's simple. It's because I know as I write this somewhere down the road someone is going to be reading this, jumping up and down in their chair screeching, "Oh my goodness! I want to lick Big Kenny too!!!" It's the connection and the bond we form when blogging. It's the knowledge that someone is going to be affected by what I type, just as much as I'm going to be affected by what they type. It's the sharing of one's life. It's the friendships that I otherwise wouldn't have ever had. It's the chance to get to know some amazing people around the world. I honestly can't really remember how I started blogging (it must be the cheap crack.) I think I was reading an on line newspaper article on blogs, clicked a link and just kept on clicking. Soon I was drawn in and I couldn't resist starting a blog of my own. It's been over a year and a half (I think) and I love it. The friends I have made rank right up there with some of the face to face friends I have here. How I would love to hop on a plane and meet a whole bunch of you because we would have an awesome rockin' time. Party on Wayne!

I'm hosting the next Fun Monday, but it will be delayed until September 10th due to Labor Day and a bunch of people trying to get one last summer hurr-ah in. Stop on back Tuesday for your challenge, if you so dare. I think it's a good one [insert evil cackle and lightening strike].

Happy Fun Monday everyone. Go check out all the other participants.

The Storm

No, this isn't some clever title for the battles that rage within......it's actually storm pictures. I'm not that brilliant on an early Saturday morning.

 

Pictures of the clouds moving in, although they aren't as scary as the purple and black ones I witnessed on Thursday night.

The eerie greenish sky.

After the storm and the beginning of the sun setting.

The storm raged through all of Michigan and the tornadoes that touched down destroyed two cities. Houses are in shambles and trees are down everywhere. Over 100,000 are without power. Thankfully we are fine and so are all of of our loved ones.

Mother nature sure can be a bitch when she wants to be.

I have no clever title for this post.

After much deliberation and looking over comments, I think we will postpone Fun Monday until the Monday after Labor Day.  I had one definite no, two yeses to cancel and most of you were "I don't give a flying fuck." Well okay, not really. None of you said "Flying fuck", but it would have made it more interesting if you did.  I figure some people will be going out of town and won't have the time to do the Fun Monday.  I have a great challenge in store for you all and the extra week will actually really be a bonus. (insert evil cackle here).  I'm kind of impressed with myself for this idea. Stop by next Tuesday for your mission, if you are brave enough to accept.

[insert note here: This is not a Mommy War Post. Please leave your rude comments at the door. Oh, and wipe your feet too on the mat before coming in. I think you might have stepped in some dog shit.]
Last night one of my bestest friends ever invited me out with her MOMS group to a local bar (Dude, Christina the Wench (hereby known as just Wench) did you check out the funnel cloud last night out your way?!?!!? The sucker was awesome....in a scary "Oh holy hell my life is going to end in my crappy Saturn Minivan" sort of way.) Where was I? Oh yes, bar......One of my favorite bands were going to be playing and I hadn't seen them since my college bar hopping, getting massively drunk and making out with complete stranger days, I knew I had to be there.  When my friend and I made it to the bar the other women were sitting at the table munching on some yummy food and sipping on some drinks. Soon after my drink came we all started talking about our kids and daily mom life. They began talking about how hard it was sometimes to get everyone up and out the door by 9am for their various daily activities and so forth.  I had to actually bite my tongue to stop myself from mocking them. "Oh, 9am! Yeesh, you should try to be out the door by 6:45am, work 8 or so hours, rush to pick up the kids, come home, cook dinner, bathe kids, pick your nose, wipe other's butts, put the kids in jammies and fight the bedtime ritual. And then feel like having sex with your husband whose giving you his "bow-chicka-bow-bow" looks, wash a load of laundry and clean the kitchen."  It actually riled me up a bit and put me on the defensive. I was the outcast, the working mom.  I did have a very lovely evening and would completely party with them again, but I felt off and not at ease.  I shouldn't have felt this way. We were all moms. We all deal with the day to day issues of whining, refusing to eat dinner, pooping on the floor and sibling rivalry. We all get worn out by the end of the day and still have things on our list that didn't get finished. We all get frustrated by the lack of "me time". Yet I was still bothered. It wasn't until late that night when I figured out why. It was me. I didn't feel I matched up to par. I felt I was lacking, as a woman, mother and person and I was the one that made myself feel this way. They didn't. In fact they were all very nice and welcoming to the odd flaming red, spiked haired lady in the obnoxious pink striped shirt.  I felt out of company because my family can't afford me to stay home. We don't live in a large, nice home and our cars aren't all that. We can't go on multiple family vacations and we could never afford to put our kids in those "Gymboree" like classes. It wasn't them who looked down on me. It was me looking down on myself. So, I'm sorry to all of you lovely ladies last night for being a snot. Will you let me come out and play with you again? I will buy the first round.

Pay it forward. Do you want to play?

It has been raining almost non-stop since last Saturday. The grass squishes when you walk. The few times it has stopped raining, it has been too hot that you don't want to be outside. The humidity has been obnoxious (like me!). Yesterday I went outside to take pictures of some new jewelry pieces and the camera fogged up from the damn humidity.

Kevin has a big store visit (he manages a Michaels) from the higher ups. Please keep your fingers crossed that it goes well. They transfered him to clean up a new store and Kevin is having huge issues in getting the staff to change and work together to make the store run more efficient. He has been so stressed out and I would just like to see some stress relief for him.

Alas, it is not all doom and gloom here! Yesterday my sis-in-law called and offered me her Big & Rich tickets for free! Holy hell, I am so freaking excited! I couldn't afford the the tickets when they went on sale and I have had no luck trying to win them on our local radio station. I cannot wait!! I may just piss my pants from the glee of it all!!!!

Also I have signed up to do the "Pay it forward" game/contest! I won a handmade gift over at All up in the kool-aid (and she also has very exciting news! Go offer your congrats!) The contest is simple, be one of the first three commenters  on this post today and you will win a handmade gift from yours truly! Which knowing me, it will probably be jewelry! If you are one of the first three commenters that wants to win, you also must "Pay it forward" at your place and so on. Fun times! I love it! It's like Christmas and Halloween all wrapped up in one! Now if only I can find a way to throw in a turkey, we'd all have it made!

And finally, I am hosting Fun Monday for the September 3rd. Being that it is Labor Day here in the U.S., do you think we should postpone it until the following Monday (September 10th.)? Let me know what you think.

The pondering list

Last night I was laying on the couch pondering life and random things while trying to recuperate from the equivalent of getting one's cootch dry iced. There was no rhyme or reason to my though path, but I thought I would share.

• It really sucks to be called to the principal's/daycare director's office for your three year old getting into trouble. Apparently Aaron decided to take a pair of scissors and cut a little girl's finger. WTF?!?!? This is not my polite, sweet boy who prefers kisses and snuggles over everything! I don't get it at all and boy was the kid in trouble! I do not tolerate behavior like that at all.  I do believe he didn't understand that his action was actually going to hurt someone and he really does feel terrible about it, but I still feel awful!

• They should really offer an optional manicure at your cootch doctor's appointments. It would give patients something to look forward to instead of just being violated. But not pedicures, because that would be wrong and most likely traumatizing to manicure/pedicure people.

• I have no clue how, but I ended up watching part of the season finale of "America Has No Talent" and David Hasselhoff should do the world a favor and never drink sing again!

• I can't believe I wasted my precious kid free evening time watching that horrific show. Apologies to anyone who truly enjoy it. I mean no insult (actually I do, but I insult with love!)

• I much prefer large grainy type bread to your plain jane wheat Aunt Millie style bread. I want to see all the grainy type goodness in my slice of bread. Plus it holds more crunchy peanut butter that way.

• Right now as I type this I have 53 new posts up on my Bloglines. How the hell do I ever make it through the list everyday?!?! I can't miss all the good things everyone has to say!

• Gmail never transfered my Delviicreations email to my full time mcknicole gmail account, so I missed a lot of emails and a jewelry order. So sorry Karmyn! Thank you , you ROCK!

• The Singing Bee is an awesome show!!!

• All of my blogging buddies kick serious ass!!!!

• Look at what Debbie sent me!!! I love her a million times and will add my Elvis Stamp to my soon to be created Elvis Shadow Box (shut-up! I know I am a dork!). It will go next to my Elvis scarf and other very cool stuff Kev and I picked up from our trip to Memphis.

• It gets better! Someone actually awarded me with the "Nice Matters Award" even though I say FUCK a lot! Go say hi to ffbgirl and give her some lovin' for giving me this award and because she's going through a really hard time now and could use all the support she can get. I'm supposed to pick 7 people to give this award to, but I can't decide who, so everyone gets it! (Except Jenny because she cursed the pukes onto my home for me declaring my dislike for beergaritas.) (awwww hell, she's having such a rough time right now being so damn sick. What the fuck, I can't be an evil bitch, so I guess Jenny can have the award too. You know she got sick just so I would feel guilty.)

• And finally, before I completely bore you to tears, anyone who uses Typepad, how do I a.) put images on my sidebars b.) insert my own designed top header thingy and c.) reply to comments in bold under what someone wrote?

The second coming of blueberries (and pizza...and chocolate chip cookies)

Today is going fabulously! I have extreme cramps, Aaron's puking and I have the rescheduled coothie doc appointment this afternoon. How lucky can I be?!?!! I know, your jealous. I can see it in your eyes. Last night Aaron woke up screaming around 10 pm and clutching his stomach. "My tummy hurts Mommy! Make it feel better!" He paced the living room and suddenly turned this awful shade of grey. Luckily we had a large soup pot ready for action (gag, gag). It was not pretty folks, but at least it was colorful. (gag, gag)

You did this, didn't you Jenny! All because I declared my disgust for beergaritas! Admit it!!!!!

Fine then, be that way. Did you hear about the Monster Jellyfish? Take that!!! Hmmmphhhhhhh!

I'll be back tomorrow with pictures of the present I received in the mail!! Yay! I love snail mail! I will leave you with some cuteness because a.) I can't help myself and b.) my kids are freaking adorable. See you tomorrow. Hopefully in a better mood.