My husband calls me weird

I fibbed, what's new?

I lied. I don't really have pictures of the pie I made for Mother's Day like I promised. It didn't last long enough to get the camera out. BUT! I will share the recipe. It is so easy, even those of you who can't boil water can make this. I pulled the recipe from Kraft Food & Family.

Ingredients

2 small boxes of instant lemon pudding
1 pre-made graham cracker crust
2 cups cold milk
1 pint of raspberries
1 container of Cool Whip

In a bowl dump the 2 cups of milk and 2 packs of instant pudding. Whisk for 2 or so minutes until it becomes "pudding-ized." Place half the pudding in the pie shell. Next add the pint of raspberries all over the pudding. Cover all spots if you can. Finally mix the remaining pudding with almost the whole container of Cool Whip. Add less if you want more of the lemon flavor. Add more if ya don't. Place the Cool Whip/Pudding mix over the raspberry/pudding layers. Cover it with the nifty plastic lid that comes with pre-made pie shells. Refrigerate for 3 hours or so before serving. Easy, light and refreshing. Enjoy!

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So, how was everyone's Mother's Day? Good? Good. From the darling husband, I got a bag, some stuff for my clay obsession  AND a DSW gift card.  SHOES! SHOES! People! My husband knows me so well. From Aaron, I received a clay hand print impression and a wonderful book he made in school. He colored pictures and wrote underneath what each picture was. I have a rose, robin, sunflower and a crane picture. I also have a picture of the very elusive Hummping Bird.

Apparently, it was just discovered by scientists in the rain forests of South America.  Not much is know about the species.

(Come back tomorrow for an Ode to Aaron on his 4th birthday.)

A Meanie Fun Monday

This week is hosted by Sauntering Soul. She is challenging us to:

Come on - it's confession time! List the small things you do that make you a jerk and elaborate just a bit on each one. Please tell me I'm not the only jerk around here!

Me? Be a jerk? Never! .......................... Okay, maybe once or twice or thousands of times. What can I say? I'm a pain in the ass with rude tendencies. So, my not so proud list........(the skeletons are really coming out for this one.)

1. I gave out my ex-best friend's phone number to many a guy while bar hopping.

2. I ate the last of Aaron's M&M's the other day. I couldn't help myself. Shhhh, it will be our little secret.

3. I hide all receipts and shopping bags from Kevin after my shopping excursions.

4. I never put down my correct weight on my driver's license.

5. I yell....a whole lot more than I care to admit.

6. I've left lousy tips to waiters/waitresses after poor service.

7. I've flipped people off while driving.

8. Sometimes, I let Aaron watch a bit too much tv on days when my life seems crazy and I need him to be preoccupied.

9. I am not sympathetic to Kevin when he gets sick or hurt. I try, but I really want to say "Just deal with it." Yeah, I'm a bitch and working on it. At least I make up for it in other areas.

10. I didn't go to Ken's hockey game today because I feel like crap. Spending 6 hours laying kitchen flooring yesterday and my body is not too happy with me today. Man, getting old sucks. Needless to say, I feel guilty for missing Ken's game. That and I had no urge to see the ex-wife on Mother's Day.

See? I'm a big fat meanie.........well, only some of the time. Go check out everyone else's confessions. I'm off to make Mother's Day dinner for my MIL. You should see the dessert I made. I'm drooling just thinking about it. Recipe and pictures Tuesday!

Congrats Karmyn!

The Queen of the Swamp is hosting an all out internet baby shower for the gorgeous Karmyn, who is due at any time with a bouncing little boy.

Quite honestly, I don't know how anyone could beat WT's gift of Karmyn's own stripper. Even though right at this moment, I doubt Mr. Naked Muscle Man would be that enjoyable for a 9 month pregnant woman. Karmyn, feel free to pass your stripper my way!

I have a couple of gifts I'd like to give.

1. I bless you with sleep. Lots of beautiful sleep.

2. And seeing that most likely you have all that you need for the bug-a-boo when he arrives, I  have decided to share George for awhile. (BUT only for a while!)  He will be your personal chef and maid. So, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy your newest family member, without the pain of having to wonder if the dishes are washed or if the laundry is done. I know. It's the bestest gift ever. Enjoy. Take pictures! See if you can get him to clean your house topless!

Make sure you check out all the other "gifts" Karmyn receives!

And for all moms out there:

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

  Why did God make mothers?
  1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
  2. Mostly to clean the house.
  3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

  How did God make mothers?
  1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
  2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
  3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

  What ingredients are mothers made of?
  1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.   
  2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

  Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
  1. We're related.
  2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

  What kind of little girl was your mom?
  1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
  2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
  3. They say she used to be nice.

  What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
  1. His last name.
  2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
  3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
  1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
  2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
  3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
  1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
  2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the he stuff under the bed.
  3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

  What's the difference between moms & dads?
  1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
  2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
  3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you  want to sleep over at your friend's.
  4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
  1. Mothers don't do spare time.
  2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

  What would it take to make your mom perfect?
  1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
  2. Dye it. You know her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
  1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
  2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
  3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

I is Ghetto

The girl can leave the ghetto, but the ghetto can never leave the girl.

Example #2682: My salon style hair dryer and flat iron holder

Why yes, I'm using an empty toilet paper holder. And where do we keep the toilet paper?

On the back of the toilet! In my defense the holder is so awkwardly placed in conjunction with the toilet, that you really can't even reach the paper in your time of need.

Some may call me ghetto. I call myself ingenious.

Confessions and Product Placement

1. My left boob is smaller than my right. (Heh.......you really wanted to know that right?)

2. These? Kick ass. Go buy them now.

3. So do Bagel-fuls. Get the cinnamon ones. I no longer have to fight Aaron in the morning to eat breakfast. He ASKS for them people. AND? They're surprisingly not that bad for you.

4. Kaytabug and I are planning a little bloggy meet up in June. You know you want to join us. (Ah-hem...Beckie.) Let me know if you're interested. We will be SHOPPING! And DRINKING! And MORE DRINKING!

5. I am going to get online ordained so I can marry the great AFF and the Burgh. Only $19.95! I can marry you too, if ya want. However, I will charge more for the Elvis costume.

6. I need to redo my Linky Love page. If I read you and you're not on the list, or want to be on the list, lemme know and I will add you. (See how I'm making you do all the work? Brilliance on my part.)

7. The old house still isn't up for sale yet. I have 1 more coat of paint to put on in the kitchen and the floor to be placed and then the FUCKER IS DONE.

8. I can't wear any jewelry that isn't 100% silver/gold or else my skin turns green.

9. Let's see if I can bore you to #10.

10. I have to pee.

Teenage Birthday Parties Are For Sissies

(Damn, I have a popcorn kernel in my tooth and it's bugging the crap out of me.)

This past Saturday I had eight 13yr old boys descend upon my house for HOURS. It still amazes me that Ken turned 13. I met him when he was 7 and that seemed like just yesterday. (The kernel is starting to piss me off. Where the hell is my dental floss when I need it?) The hoard of teenagers spent the hours beating up on each other, farting, being loud and inhaling as much food as they could possibly fit into their mouths. I spent $50 on pizza and I can't remember how much was spent of chips and other like crap. It was a good time. Kevin sent Ken on a goose chase to find his one big birthday present. He got 3 tickets to see Bon Jovi. Aaron tried to play with the big boys, but was often rebuffed. By 8:30 pm I begged the boys to finally call their parents. I wanted to get into my pajamas and I wasn't about to have strange teenage boys stare at me in my jimmy-jammies. Although I do have to say, it felt good to be the "cool" house that all the kids wanted to hang out at.

(My hockey cake. A cake decorator I am not.)

(Random toad Aaron and I almost stepped on. No, I don't know what toads have to do with birthday parties.)

Happy Birthday Ken. May we survive the teenage years intact.

(Oh, and to the Google search person who found me with "I never used to have boogers, but now I have a lot", you should have a stuck popcorn kernel. Then you'd really be pissed off and forget about your booger issue. Besides that's what your finger is for.)

Another Fun Monday Post

This week is hosted by the ultra lovely Kitten (she home schools ya know....) Our challenge this week is:

Tell me about the Super Hero in your life. Not from TV, but anyone that has been or is in your life that you have really looked up to or has made a impact on your life. It can one or many. You can share pictures if you like. Just have fun with it.

I was all set to write mushy things about my mom and then I went to church yesterday (and NO, the building did NOT burn down.) There I realized just how much respect I had for one man. A man I really don't know personally. We will call my hero T. He's in his late 30's - early 40's. He is kind, giving and blind. He is also the most amazing piano player and singer I have ever heard. When he plays, I can't help but tear up. He has more soul and faith in his pinky finger than I do in my whole body. His gifts amaze me. He leads a simple life, can not see and is grateful for who he is and all the gifts he has. Me? I have more than I will ever need. I can be selfish and greedy. I am nowhere near thankful for all this gifts I have. Nor do I have his faith.  I doubt I will ever has his faith. Hearing T play yesterday and listening to him sing made me realize that for all that I have, T can see much more than I. Maybe it's time I stopped taking things for granted. Maybe it's time for me to open my eyes and really see all around me. To be thankful for my children's laughter.  To be thankful for food and shelter. To be thankful for warm sunny days and spring flowers. To be thankful to wake up each morning and get to do it all over again.

Make sure you check out everyone else's heroes.

Oooops!

These Contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a sports bar downtown.  They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.

How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?

(I must be related to these people.....)
 

 

More signs I'm a dork

1. I am actually pretty damn excited for the new Indiana Jones movie. Hey, don't give me that look. I know you are too, but at least I have big enough balls to admit it.

2. I also, somewhat sadly admit to being intrigued about the new 90210. I think all my coolness factors just went flying out the door.

3. I am oddly bothered by people who don't wear pants that are long enough to cover their ankles and the tops of shoes.

4. My shoe to pants ratio issue increases dramatically when the shoes in question are Crocs.

5. Are anyone else's stats down too? Or is no one feeling the Nikki love lately?

6. I can't believe I just typed "Nikki love."

7. I just spent $300 at the grocery store yesterday. $300 fucking dollars. This is what happens when you don't grocery shop for a week (or two) and Ken's birthday party is Saturday.

8. Speaking of birthdays, damn you Red Wing playoffs. No bakery has hockey kits left for cake toppers. I have an (almost) 13 year old who has his heart set on a hockey cake. Guess whose going to get creative? Pictures to follow next week.

9. So. Brook's gone. Wished it would have been Jason.

10. I just gave away my clearance Calvin Klein blazer that I spent $30 on 6 years ago. Due to shoulder surgery and my massive boob size, I will never fit in to it again, even if I drop a size. I'm sobbing on the inside.

11. What else?

12. I have Eeyore on my underwear today.

13. It's going to rain today.

14. I smacked my knuckles on a door jam 6 weeks ago while carrying a load of laundry. My knuckle is still bruised and sore.

15. Should I shut up now?

16. .............................................

When in doubt, show puppy pictures

Wanna see the cutest puppeh ev-ah? My mom got herself a little puppy girl named Sadie. She's part Shar Pei and Basset Hound. Wrinkles on top of wrinkles. Sadie? Is a shit. I forgot how puppies get into EVERYTHING. Thank goodness she likes to cuddle. And give nasty puppy kisses. They almost make up for the shoe chewing and pissing on the carpet.