My husband calls me weird

Amuse yourselves

 Me, before I found out I was pregnant
 

(Click to enlarge if you have trouble reading.)

Want more laughs? Go visit Natalie Dee. You're welcome. Now, don't pee your pants.

Uh...so that's what they're teaching them these days

The stairway leading up to Aaron's classroom is covered in the kids' drawings and art projects. There is a particular girl in his class that is very artistic. We will call her Ann. On the wall face the stairway entrance proudly displays her latest drawing. Above the drawing, written in 4 year old handwriting, is the description. Entitled:

"Ann's Beaver."

Too bad I giggle like a fucking prepubescent school boy every time I see that picture. You'd think that at almost 30 I'd grow up.

12 weeks and counting

Holy Crap!!!! Super Genius Baby^tm is twelve weeks! I'm this close to being out of my first trimester! Damn, is this pregnancy flying by.

• I've had to switch to larger shirts. Mainly due to my huge bazoongas. Some pants still fit, but I've taken to wearing the knock off version of the Bella Band.
• As my poor abused Plurk-mates can attest to, I'm still puking. Please don't tell me to take ginger. I appreciate your help, but I end up with ginger tasting puke. Lovely thought eh?
• My sweet husband and Ken painted the baby's room for me as a surprise. It went from ho-hum beige to a sunny yellow. I am going to stencil on bugs- caterpillars, lady bugs, butterflies. All in primary colors. Pictures of course will follow, but we are far from getting that done.
• I've had to switch prenatal vitamins. Uh, iron has the opposite effect on me than most. It wasn't pretty.
• Peaches. Dear god, send me the sweet nectar of the peaches.
• Real coke and butter bagels are the only damn thing that stay down in the morning. (Don't give me that look. I only have maybe the amount of one can of coke a day.)
• Water, not so much. Still the one thing that makes me yak the most.
• Raw meat and certain smells make me dry gag endlessly.
• All I want to do is sleep.
• My complexion is amazing right now.
• Of course you can't tell how lovely my skin is due to how fast my chin hairs are growing.
• Fuckers.
• I do plan on having a guess the sex/birth date/weight of the baby at some point. Probably sometime in February.
• Anything else? Oh yeah, I can fart better than my husband now. An accomplishment I thought I'd never master.

Recipe Sharing Friday #2

Aw yeah, it's Friday, baby and you know what that means. Recipe Sharing Friday. The coolest day of the week. Remember, you can feel free to steal the badge and do a post on your blog or just leave a recipe in the comment section. Or feel free not to participate at all and just leave random comments that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. It's Friday, it's been a long week. You're allowed.

This week's recipe is near and dear to my heart.

English Trifle

First you need to make sure you have a trifle bowl or even a large glass punch bowl would work.

Ingredients

2 (regular) boxes old fashioned custard
2 (regular) boxes jello (I prefer raspberry flavored)
1 ginormous tub of Cool Whip (Or feel free to make the real thing if your heart so desires)
2 packages of lady fingers (if you can't find lady fingers, pound cake will work, just cut it up into slices)
3 bananas
2 pints raspberries
Blueberries (one package should work)
Brandy or Amaretto  (optional)

1. Make the jello and custard according to the box's directions.
2. Place small layer of jello on bottom of bowl
3. Add layer of lady fingers
4. Drizzle a bit of Amaretto
5. Add another small layer of Jello
6. Add later of custard
7. Add layer of whip cream
8. Add layer of fruit
9. Place another layer of lady fingers
10. Repeat layers in the order of: Lady fingers, Amaretto, jello, custard, whip cream, fruit until you fill the bowl. Make sure you alternate the fruit in each layer.
11. Cover the whole thing with a final layer of whip cream when done.
12. Refrigerate for 4 hours or so, or until the jello and custard firmly set up.

It should resemble something like this:

Well hell that picture doesn't help much? Can you see inside the bowl at all? Ignore the picture of Ken. He was only 9 and so much easier to deal with. Why can't he be 9 again? Here, lemme steal an image off of the internet.

This person chose to put the whip cream on the fruit. I prefer the firmness of putting the fruit on the cream instead of the custard, but it really doesn't matter how you layer the damn dessert.

Enjoy!

Name your own title

I'm a busy, busy bee today at work. More beach pictures will just have to suffice. If you don't like it then stuff it. Hmmmmmm, lack of sleep makes me kind of cranky. I have decided though, to get some more cash into the house I'm going to Craigslist everything under the sun I don't need. Including the old house. I also need to get back into gear with making earrings.  Also, don't forget that tomorrow is Recipe Sharing Friday. Hopefully at lunchtime I will make a little badge or something for everyone participating to use.

Damn, that paragraph was about as random as they get. My English teacher would have shit a few bricks reading it. And then ask me where my conclusion was. I'd tell her exactly where she could find my conclusion. Heheheheehe.

Summer Fun Photo Contest!

The lovely ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom are hosting a Summer Fun Photo Contest! There is still time to enter! You have until 3 pm EST.

This is my 4 year old son's first time in Lake Michigan. He had no clue waves could be that big. Ignore my purple pregnant self please. Just pretend I'm not there.

Why can't we pick our relatives?

(What the hell is that smell in my cubicle? It's making me gag.)

I have a step sister. One I used to really like. Now? Not so much and dear Lord I hope she doesn't read this blog or else I am in deep shit. Although truthfully I don't care right now. A few years age she married an asshole. And that's an understatement. Just this past weekend the asshole said out loud, to my other step sister and her husband that their children were mentally retarded. Asshole was serious. Who the fuck goes around calling other people's children retarded? It gets better. My step sister is pregnant. She has miscarried twice and her doctor's told her that she needed to wait to try to get pregnant again. They wanted her to go through some genetic counseling to see why she kept losing the babies. Did she wait? Hell no, because her husband doesn't like to wear condoms. WTF? Seriously? Cross your legs, say no, go back on birth control for fuck's sake. She is about 3 weeks more pregnant then I am and there seem to be problems. First ultra sound showed the neck had a thickening (a good sign there is genetically something wrong) and the umbilical chord had pulled away and some of the intestines has come out (although I have never heard of that before.) She had the nuchal fold scan done and the results aren't back yet. She has already declared that if anything is wrong with the baby she is going to abort it. Not, just terminate the pregnancy if there are fatal problems and the baby would die in utero anyways. No, if the baby had ANY problems she will terminate. Down Syndrome or other livable problems. Why? Because her stupid ass husband doesn't want a child with any defects. I know, not my pregnancy, not my body, but damn this pisses me off because she was told to wait in the first place and now a baby might suffer for their stupidity. I do feel for her and all her problems. It can't be easy, but she is acting all blase about it all. To top it off they are moving. To the state of cheese heads. The company that hired the asshole pays for moving. Do they accept? No, they ask my 67 year old step father to help move them. He's fucking 67 years old!!! He's a sweet man who loves to be needed. Fix a toilet? Sure! Need help painting a bedroom? He's your man, but for pete's sake, he's 67 years old and does not need to be hauling furniture. I can't believe how insensitive they were in asking him to help. True, my step dad is a grown man and can say no, but damn use your head people! I just don't get it.

There I feel better now.

Oh, hey Burgh! This too much crack for you?

Or how about this?

Down in the dumps

I'm really freaking stressed here. All I can focus on is the fact that we need money. I am afraid of losing everything we have worked so hard for. Yes bills have been paid on time and nothing has been late, but I don't know how much longer this is going to last. If only that damn house would sell or lease. I've been looking up those companies that buy houses from you for a drastically reduced fee. I don't know if they are any good.  I need to win the lotto or have a mysterious rich relative die and leave us everything. I know the stress isn't good for the baby, but it is all I can fucking think about. Maybe I need to start selling things on Ebay or get a 2nd part time job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I just wish I could find my rainbow. Hell, I just wish that for once my life could be simple.

The name game

Ken, my step son, the teenage monster, the mouthiest 13 year old on this side of the country, has discovered girls. Even more so, the girls have discovered him. He's ripped, has freckles, is tall and has the prettiest damn blue eyes ever. They text him all the time. Thank God we don't pay his cell phone bill. They flock to him like flies on shit. Ken also embarrasses easily. Which for all the lip the kid gives us, makes it so much easier to take. We were walking towards a restaurant last weekend on our mini break when we Ken pointed at something..

"Look dad, a Vulva!"

Kevin and I whipped our heads around so fast to make sure there wasn't any public displays of nudity we should be aware of. Instead we found Ken pointing to a Volvo. Both of us had to sit on the curb to catch our breath from laughing so fucking hard. Then Kev got the joy of explaining to Ken exactly what a vulva was. I wish I had the camera ready for the look on the kid's face. Priceless people, absolutely priceless. And a perfect story to share for the first true girlfriend Ken brings home. I can't fucking wait.

Payback is a bitch.

Recipe Sharing Friday #1

Are you excited?!?!! I am! I am!! Recipe Sharing Friday is the best damn day of the week! For our first Friday, I thought I'd share an oldie, but goodie. I've shared it before. Hot damn is it good food. People will bow down to you and offer to name the first born after you.

Homemade Mac & Cheese: The good stuff

1 box of noodles. I like to use rotini.
6 tbs butter (the real thing please)
1/4 cup flour
2 3/4 c milk
2 1/2 c cheddar cheese (or more depending on your love of cheese.)
salt/pepper/dill to taste
bread crumbs
Parmesan Cheese

Preheat oven to 350.
Cook noodles to al dente, drain and set aside
In a large pot, melt butter.
Add flour (making a rue)
Stir constantly for a few minutes. You want a light rue, so don't over cook it.
Slowly add milk. Stir until thickened.
Add spices. If you don't like dill, don't add it.
Add cheddar cheese. Stir until melted.
Add the cooked noodles. Stir to coat all.
Place in a 9 x 13 pan. Lightly cover with bread crumbs. If you feel wild, add a light coating of Parmesan Cheese. I won't judge you if you use the green bottle. We've all done it before.

Bake for 30 minutes, or until top is brown. Remove from oven, get fork, and dig in.

Do you have any recipes to share?